She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
