Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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