At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
