I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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