Moan for me like Helen Keller
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
