Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
