it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
