So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
