My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
