just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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