I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
