Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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