i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
