I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
