so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
