Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
