I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
