Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
