Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
