I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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