Please, let me fuck your mom
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
