I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
