Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
