just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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