mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
