Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
