I cannot find my penis.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
