My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
