I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
