A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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