he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
