Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
