I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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