hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
