How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
