someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
