i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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