There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
