Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
