i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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