There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
