apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
being pregnant is like rehab
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
