What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
