sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
