lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
