I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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