Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
