i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
