and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
