did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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