some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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