i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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