just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
