im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Randomize
